FUNNY JOKE: Interview between Akpors & the consular at the Embassy

Interview between Akpors & the consular at the Embassy.

Interview Starts...

OFFICER:- Whats your Mother's name?

Akpors:- M.P sir

OFFICER:- in full please?

Akpors:- Mama Patience

OFFICER:- your native place?

Akpors: M.P sir

OFFICER:- what's that?

Akpors:- Mugbe Province

OFFICER:- what is your qualification?

Akpors:- M.P

OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!

Akpors:- Mathematics Professor

OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?

Akpors:- it is because of M.P sir

OFFICER: meaning?

Akpors:- Money Problems

OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?

Akpors: MP sir.

OFFICER: and what is that?
Akpors:- Marvelous Personality

OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

Akpors:- sir, how was M.P sir?

OFFICER:- and what's that again?

Akpors:- My Performance.

OFFICER:- I think u are an M.P

Akpors:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?

OFFICER:- Mental Patient!!!

Don't laugh alone. Share with friends and put smile on their faces.

I Posted this because you are my M.P. (My People)

Samsung Agrees To Buy Tecno For $7.5Billion

This is the most shocking deal ever!!.
Earlier this morning , the chairman of Samsung announced that his company has signed a deal with Tecno Mobile Limited to purchase the Company for $7.5Billion.
The deal is said to be $7Billion In Cash And $.5Billion In Stocks!.
According To The Chairman , Samsung Plans To Invest More In Africa , That's why he decided to buy Tecno , Who is already a household name in Nigeria And Other West African Countries.

The Chairman Also Clearly Stated That This Deal Won't affect the price of tecno Phones And Promises Improvement In The Quality and Technical aspect Of tecno devices.
This Deal Is Expected To Be Finalized At The End Of The Q2 Of 2015, That's Around June.
But Wait…
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Did You Actually Believe What I Wrote???
!!!YOU'VE JUST BEEN APRIL FOOLED!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

Happy April Fools Day And Happy New Month Too..
Am Sorry If I Almost Gave You A Heart Attack!: :p

Share This With Your Friends And Lets See If They would Fall For This!

JOKE: INEC CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL.

INEC CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL.

Date: Saturday, March 28th, 2015

Gate Fee Ticket: PVC

Kick Off Time: 10am prompt

Venue: Estadio De Polling Boots

Stadium Capacity: 68m

Referree: Prof. Attahiru Jega

Assist.Referees

: Prof. Wole Soyinka & Abdulsalami Abubakar

Clubs: PDP FC vs APC FC

Defending Champion: PDP FC

Formation: 5 3 2. As the defending champions, this is a defending formation in the bid to defend their title.

LINE UP.
Patience Jonathan-(GK)
Goodluck Jonathan (Captain)
Ngozi Okonjo Iweala
David Mark Edwin Clark
Ayo Fayose-(Yellow Card)
Godswill Akpabio
Adamu Muazu
Namadi Sambo
Gabriel Suswan
Olusegun Mimiko
Femi Fani-Kayode

Substitutes (Bench)
Alison Maduekwe
Musiliu Obanikoro
Reuben Abati

Head COACH- Asari Dokubo

APC FC Formation: 4:3:3
APC FC Employs a diamond formation with attacking options and prolific striker leading the attack.

LINE UP.
Bola Ahmed Tinubu-(GK)
Rotimi Amaechi
Raji Fashola
Rochas Okorocha (Captain)
John Oyegun
Muhammadu Buhari (Striker)
Abubakar Atiku
Aminu Tambuwal
Yemi Osinbajo
Adams Oshiomole (Winger)
Bisi Akande

Substitutes:
Kayode Fayemi
Abike Dabiri
Rauf Aregbesola
Dr. Bukola Saraki
Segun Oni

Head COACH- Chief Olusegun Obasanjo- ex PDP FC Captain

Match Commissioner: EU Election Monitoring

Trophy: Aso Rock

Predict who wins...

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Reacts to MTN Call and SMS Advert Disturbance

‎ Akpors called MTN's customer care number after lots of automated call disturbance from their anonymous call Adverts.
 A‎ lady‎ picked, and this conversation ensued.

Lady: hello, Good evening, thanks for calling

MTN

customer care service, my name is Judith, what's your name and where are u calling from?

Akpors: hello, goodevening, my name is Akpors,

and

i'm calling from Otuoke.

Lady: how may i help u, Akpors?

Akpors: i'm looking for a wife to marry..

Lady: is that why u called this customer care

service?

Akpors: yes, and i think i'm already in love with

u... 

u know u have a very nice voice.... 

Lady: hellooo, pls, we only attend to issues about

your MTN line, okay...

Akpors: yes o...This is an issue about my MTN line

too...because i spend much credit calling so

many girls asking them about marriage....

Lady: pls, i would have to put an end to this

call...

Akpors: baby don't talk like that now... I promise to

make you happy... you would be happy with me...can i have ur number?

Lady:*raises her voice* come, mr man, i think

something is wrong with u....

Akpors:*cutting in*...hey, hold it there...i hope u

can now feel how frustrating it is to receive a call and hear rubbish? 

From today, warn yourself and every other staff there...Let nobody call me with a

funny number only for it to be an advert or send me

those nonsense messages you guys disturb my phone with daily.....

*call disconnected*

How Many Likes for Akpors.

If you are in Akpors shoe what would you have done?

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors DVD Palava

Nawa oooo Imagine! i bought a DVD player yesterday, later when i got home, i connected it to a

source without inserting any disc,

hoping it would write "NO DISC" on the upper left corner of the screen, but when i looked at the

screen, guess what i saw? "DISC NO DEY"! 

 I wondered, then i inserted a DISC hoping it would display LOADING but when i looked at the screen again, guess what i saw? "E DON DEY LOAD"! 

 The most annoying thing was that it was not playing so i checked the

back of the DVD to check where it was made..... I met the shock of my life. 

MADE IN ............... Comment WHERE?

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors the Mumu Country Sympathizer

A teacher asked his students, 1+1=? 

A student stood up and said 4.

Akpors who was passing by overheard the answer, shoke his head and said to himself; 

"My God, Jona will kill us in this country‎ o. 

 Everything has increased; Transport Fare, Fuel prices, Foodstuffs, Beer,... Everything. 

Even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to 4."

ONE Word!

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors in Nigeria for Christmas

After two weeks in Dubai, Akpors
came back to Naija for Christmas, with the
American slang/accent. He flew in
late and while on his way home
was stopped by the men of the
Nigeria Police Force.
"Hey, where u dey go?""

Akpors: What de f*ck do u mean,
Yo talking tu me?

This incited anger in these men
who understands nothing but the
Naija street language (Pidgin). He
was taking to the police station
and put in a cell.

There in the cell,
Akpors kept on ranting and
shouting,"Yo bunch of shits, I gat
the damn right to make a phone
call in this cell. Get me a f*cking
fone!!"

This went on, until a BOSS
(Oga) in the cell told one of his
boys in his husky and thunderous
voice,"Scorpion!!!­­, abeg give this
guy a phone call"
Scorpion headed
straight to Akpors corner and
landed him a THUNDEROUS
SLAP"GBOOOOAAAA­­AAA". The
sound was nothing far from the
sound of a Thunder strike.
(Oga) Boy: "E done
dey ring, abi make I
redial?"

Akpors accent
changed, "Bros abeg, e don
connect".

Remember its Festive season; not all the guys with American accent came from Yanki. Ladies beware.

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors the Money Doubler

Akpors met this girl on fb and they've been
chatting for 6 months now.
Today, he logged in and saw her online,
and started chatting immediately.
Akpors: Hello dear
HER: happy independence.
Akpors: same to u dear
HER: so where is my independence gift?
Akpors: Habba! Big girl like u is asking for
independence gift?.
HER: Abeg oo. Me am nt a big girl oo. U
wnt to deny me independence gift abi?

....Akpors quickly went to buy N500 card and sent the
pin into her chat inbox....
Akpors:Dear manage this pls.
HER: noo, pls am only joking. I will nt take
that.
Akpors: pls pls.
HER: and i refuse. I cnt take anything from
u.

....Akpors quickly loaded the card and transfered it
into her line acct...
HER: u think u are smart eh? ....a minute
later
heard an alert msg tang-tang..''N1000 is
transfered to u from...''
Akpors: whats the meaning of that?
HER: i told u, u shldnt. ...(this girl wan show
me big girl abi?) Akpors used his last N2000 to
buy card, loaded it, making N3000 and sent
it to her.

....Some minutes later, an alert, tang-
tang..''N6000 is transfered to u from....''
chaiii..this girl wan try me? And i dnt hv
any money again!
Akpors called his friend and
borrowed the N6000 he was keeping for his
landlord, told him he will be expecting
N24,000 in the next 5min and will pay him
back...
Akpors quickly buy card of N6000, and sent her the N12,000..and kept his phone close
to his
ear expecting alert...

Ten minutes later, instead of msg alert, it
was a call from her...''Hello dear, jst called to
thank u for the independence gift..we'll
chat later''....

Is Akpors smart or Stupid?

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors the Zombie

A pilot announced, "Ladies & Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggages must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says, "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin."
The plane continues it's descent despite more things being thrown out. The pilot announced again, "Still going down, we must throw out some people"
There's a big gasp from the passengers! Then the pilot said, "But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order.
So A, any Africans on board?"
No one moves.
"B, any Blacks on board?"
No one moves.
"C, any Coloureds on board?"
Still no one moves.
"D, any Darkies?"
Akpors who was a little black Nigerian boy asks his dad, "Dad, what are we?"

His Dad replied, "Tonight son, we are Zombies"

FUNNY JOKE: AKPORS OUTSMARTS THE BARBER

Akpors enters a barber shop. The barber
whispers to his customer:

BARBER: This is the dumbest boy in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you. The barber puts a
N50 note in one hand and two N10 notes in the
other, then calls Akpors and says:

BARBER: Which do you want, boy?
AkpoRs takes the two N10 notes and leaves. The
barber turned to his customer and said, you
see, I told you he is really dumb.

CUSTOMER: Well I’m guessing he is just a little
confused now, he can’t make that mistake
twice.

BARBER: I really doubt it, just wait and I’ll prove
it to you again. (The barber calls Akpors back
into the store one more time and offers him the
same deal, once again to the surprise of the
customer, Akpors picked the 2 N10 notes
instead of the N50 note).

BARBER: What did I tell you? AkpoRs never learns!
Minutes later, when the customer left, he sees
Akpors coming out of the ice cream store.

CUSTOMER: Akpors, May I ask you a
question?
You are obviously old enough to know
that 2 N10 notes make up N20 which is less
than N50, why do you keep picking the N10
notes instead?

Akpors smiles and says: That barber is
always so eager to prove to customers that I am
dumb, that's why everyday I get money for ice-cream
from his little game.
The day I take the fifty naira note, the game will definitely be over, so
it’s better I act stupid and collect N20 everyday.

FUNNY: Akpors News on NPL (Nigeria Politics League)

Breaking news on the NPL(Nigeria Politics League) transfer window....

APC FC are currently bidding for PDP FC's forward Aminu Tambuwal..

Also PDP FC recently signed APC FC's midfielder Nuhu Ribadu and there are rumours going roundthat LP FC's striker Olusegun Mimiko is undergoing a medical at PDP FC...

Also APC FC's defender Tom Ikimi has also expressed his wish to leave the club for PDP FC....

Also following Rauf Aregbesola's fantastic season at APC FC,the club has decided to let himstay for another season....

APC FC's striker Kayode Fayemi is yet to be back from injury following the injury he sustained in a supercup final with PDP FC's Ayodele Fayose....

Iyiola Omisore is yet to fully recover during the community shield match with APC FC's Rauf Aregbesola....

Lastly Michael Opeyemi Bamidele who is on loan at LP FC from APC FC has yet to decide his future club sincerecovering from an injury....

2015 season is expected to be a great and competitive season.... Watch out !!!

Na joke I dey oooo

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Lost His Cheque Book

Akpors lost his cheque booklet and went
to the bank two days after to report it.

Mr Akpors (angrily): Shit!!! I lost my cheque book

Bank manager: Calm down Mr Akpors,
We don't allow such vulgar words in the
bank premises and I warned you to be careful
with your cheque book Mr Akpors,
because anyone can forge your signature.

Mr Akpors: I am not a fool.
I have already signed all the cheques,
so they won't have space
to forge my signature!

Bank Manager: SHITTTTT!!!!!!

Please one name for Akpors....

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Jamb Result Is Out

Papa Akpors: Akpors, I learnt your JAMB
result is out.

Akpors: Yes Daddy You remember John wey dey carry first for our
whole school? he failed…

Papa Akpors: That’s terrible, what happened?

Akpors: You also remember Paul wey dey teach me for house? He failed too.

Papa Akpors: what’s causing the poor performance?

Akpors: Daddy I don’t know, na so e be o. Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell competition
failed too.

Papa Akpors: so how was your own result?

Akpors: You also remember OKON, our senior prefect? He failed.

Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, Tell me about your own result!!

Akpors : (angrily) If all those people failed, do you expect me to pass
I be witch?

One Word for Akpors?

FUNNY JOKE: 2Million is Involve

Akpors: emeka if you can run round this street naked i will give you 2million.

Emeka: that is very easy nah.
(emeka pulls off his clothes and started runing in the street naked. As he was
runing his father saw him)

Dad: emeka what is wrong with you?
Emeka: daddy two million is involved.
Dad: my enemies are at work oh.
Emeka:daddy two million is involved.
Dad: i did not hear you, what did you say?
Emeka: daddy two million is involved. (emeka continued the race but he began to hear foot step behind him so he turned and saw his father runing also naked)
Emeka: daddy what are you doing?
Dad: emeka my son, two million plus two million is it not four million? So four million is involve...

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Show Off to Lady Goes Wrong

Akpors wanted to give a
lady his
phone number and decided to show off.
He removed 1000
naira note from his wallet,
wrote his number on it and gave it to the girl.
The girl then cut the exact place he
wrote the number and threw
the remaining pieces of the money away
in his presence and left...

Abeg who get swag pass among
them???
Akpors or the Lady?

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors on Success Matters

Interviewer: Mr Akpors, we heard you are very good at success advice. 
How can a man be really successful?

Akpors: A word do say "Behind every successful man, there is a woman"
Incase you want to be really successful, increase the numbers of women you marry.
That's All...

One Word for Akpors!!!

FUNNY PICTURE: The Learner

One Word for this picture...

FUNNY PICTURE: Akpors Live In Brazil

Akpors has been pleaded with by the NFA and FIFA after Keshi omitted his name on the worldcup list.
Watch Out for Akpors on the football pitch...

FUNNY JOKE: At Last Akpors is getting Married

AT LAST!!!!

Akpors WEDDING INVITATION
I know you all have been waiting
for this...........
............... ............... ............... ....
This is to invite "YOU", Friends and
Well Wishers to My Wedding Ceremony
scheduled to take place
as follows:

ENGAGEMENT: Main Town Hall, Bama Village, Borno
State. TRADITIONAL WEDDING: Government
Girls' Secondary School
Auditorium
Chibok Borno State.

WHITE WEDDİNG: Gwoza Multipurpose Hall, Borno
State. RECEPTION / PİCNİC:
Sambisa Forest and Resort, Borno
State.

May God bless you as you honor the
invitation!
Chairman of the day:
Abubakar Shekau

Note : If you don't know all these
places there are free buses
Nyanya Park Abuja.

THIS IS THE TIME TO KNOW Akpors TRUE FRIENDS!

FUNNY JOKE: Akpors in Drinking Competition

Two Communities, Ozoro and Oleh in Delta state, decided
to hold a drinking competition.
A week to the competition, Ozoro community sent Akpors a delegate to Oleh, to confirm if the competition will still hold.
When Akpors got there, the
people of Oleh brought 20 litres of their strongest Ogogoro
(Local Gin) and Kola.
Akpors asked, "Can I test it?"
The people said, "Go ahead!"
Akpors finished the whole 20 litres and said,
"This is okay, where is the main drink?"

The People of Oleh shouted, "Come o, are you among the competitors?"


Akpors replied sadly, "No, I did not qualify!"