Papa Akpors: How is America?
Akpors: Papa e no easy for here ooo,
but I have just bought a landed
property through an agent at Lekki...
Papa Akpors: (After a Month) How are
you doing?
Akpors: Papa e no easy, but I've
completed a Mansion in my Lekki site.
Papa Akpors: (After 3 Months) My pikin
how is everything?
Akpors: Papa I swear, e no easy... But I
will be sending a 2013 Honda Car to you
soon. After 2 weeks, the car landed.
Papa Akpors called his son Akpors.
Akpors: Papa I hope you enjoyed the
car?
Papa Akpors: (Praying for his son) My
son, God will keep blessing you, and e
no go continue to easy for you oooo...
Please, is Akpors father wrong?
Because Akpors have been saying e no
easy, e no easy, but keep buying things
and sending huge cash...
Saturday 31 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: AKPORS AND EKAITTE - EARLY MORNING FIGHT
(How the fight started)
Akpors: "Baby, I'm gonna tell you a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts!"
Ekaitte: "Alright love.."
Akpors: "Okay, i'm gonna start with part 1..
There was a husband and a wife, they were driving to a campsite when they came upon a split road.
The husband says "let's take the left one."
The wife says "I think we should take the right road."
Then the husband slaps the wife across the face " who's driving, me or you?!" and they take the left path."
Ekaitte: "Hahahahahahaha haha"
Akpors: "Now i'm gonna tell you part 2..
Once they get to the campsite the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook their dinner.
He comes back and the wife says "good now I can cook fish soup for us to eat!"
The husband says "but I wanna eat fried fish"
The wife slaps the husband across the face and says "who's cooking me or you?!" and they end up drinking fish soup.
Ekaitte: "Oh crap!" lmao
Akpors: "Now I'm gonna tell you part 4"
Ekaitte: "What about part 3?!"
Akpors: [Landed Ekaitte hot slap across the face] who's telling the story me or you!!
Akpors: "Baby, I'm gonna tell you a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts!"
Ekaitte: "Alright love.."
Akpors: "Okay, i'm gonna start with part 1..
There was a husband and a wife, they were driving to a campsite when they came upon a split road.
The husband says "let's take the left one."
The wife says "I think we should take the right road."
Then the husband slaps the wife across the face " who's driving, me or you?!" and they take the left path."
Ekaitte: "Hahahahahahaha haha"
Akpors: "Now i'm gonna tell you part 2..
Once they get to the campsite the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook their dinner.
He comes back and the wife says "good now I can cook fish soup for us to eat!"
The husband says "but I wanna eat fried fish"
The wife slaps the husband across the face and says "who's cooking me or you?!" and they end up drinking fish soup.
Ekaitte: "Oh crap!" lmao
Akpors: "Now I'm gonna tell you part 4"
Ekaitte: "What about part 3?!"
Akpors: [Landed Ekaitte hot slap across the face] who's telling the story me or you!!
Friday 30 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors The Hungry Poor Man
Akpors went to Abuja to see his uncle.
He got to his uncle’s office very early by 8am and the
secretary said he should come back by 2pm that Oga is not around.
So, Akpors had to hang around till 2pm.
By 1pm, hunger
was wiring Akpors.
He had not eaten since morning and only had N200 in his pocket. There was no fast food around the area to eat, only hotels.
Akpors began to feel dizzy so he
decided to find a solution. He looked around and saw a fantastic 5 star hotel.
He adjusted himself, cleaned his dusty shoe, wiped his oily face with handkerchief and entered the hotel with confidence.
In the lobby, the receptionist at the front desk said:
Are you here to see somebody or you want to lodge?
Akpors said confidently “lodging!”.
The hotel receptionist said the cheapest room here is N47k per night.
Akpors: “no problem dis place is lovely, just like the hotel I slept at yesterday in Dubai on my way from United states.
Receptionist said “thank you sir“.
Akpors said:
But can I pay in hard
currency as I've not changed my dollars?
Receptionist: No problem sir
Akpors: but first, where is your
restaurant I want to eat before I go up to the room.
They showed
Akpors to the restaurant and told the chef to treat him well cos he was a new customer that just came back from US! The chef welcomed him and gave him the menu. Akpos first ordered appetizers,
2 bowls of assorted pepper soup with a bottle of red Spanish wine. Total cost N18k.
Next for the main meal, Akpors ordered
pounded yam, efo riro
with snail and catfish! - N15k.
Akpors total bill was now N33K but Akpors only had N200
They cleared his empty plate away and brought the bill. Akpors began to
sweat even under cold air conditioned room. The waiter
came twice to the
table, Akpors waved him away
that he was still relaxing after the heavy meal.
The staff began to suspect Akpors,
that he didn’t have money, they called security and gathered round him. Akpos looked at all of them quietly, then he brought out one his phones and used it to dial
another one in his pocket which was on silent.
Akpors (on the phone):
Ehen, is it time?
Yes na, the bomb is still with me not yet
exploded.
…In 2 minutes?
Of course, no problem, I will detonate it
on time. I‘m proud to be suicide bomber, and there
are many people where I am, so the impact
will be even better.
Yes o. Government will have no choice but to listen to our cause. Before
Akpors even dropped phone, the restaurant had cleared.
As he walked out of the restaurant, nobody was in the lobby.
Even the street was empty!
He got to his uncle’s office very early by 8am and the
secretary said he should come back by 2pm that Oga is not around.
So, Akpors had to hang around till 2pm.
By 1pm, hunger
was wiring Akpors.
He had not eaten since morning and only had N200 in his pocket. There was no fast food around the area to eat, only hotels.
Akpors began to feel dizzy so he
decided to find a solution. He looked around and saw a fantastic 5 star hotel.
He adjusted himself, cleaned his dusty shoe, wiped his oily face with handkerchief and entered the hotel with confidence.
In the lobby, the receptionist at the front desk said:
Are you here to see somebody or you want to lodge?
Akpors said confidently “lodging!”.
The hotel receptionist said the cheapest room here is N47k per night.
Akpors: “no problem dis place is lovely, just like the hotel I slept at yesterday in Dubai on my way from United states.
Receptionist said “thank you sir“.
Akpors said:
But can I pay in hard
currency as I've not changed my dollars?
Receptionist: No problem sir
Akpors: but first, where is your
restaurant I want to eat before I go up to the room.
They showed
Akpors to the restaurant and told the chef to treat him well cos he was a new customer that just came back from US! The chef welcomed him and gave him the menu. Akpos first ordered appetizers,
2 bowls of assorted pepper soup with a bottle of red Spanish wine. Total cost N18k.
Next for the main meal, Akpors ordered
pounded yam, efo riro
with snail and catfish! - N15k.
Akpors total bill was now N33K but Akpors only had N200
They cleared his empty plate away and brought the bill. Akpors began to
sweat even under cold air conditioned room. The waiter
came twice to the
table, Akpors waved him away
that he was still relaxing after the heavy meal.
The staff began to suspect Akpors,
that he didn’t have money, they called security and gathered round him. Akpos looked at all of them quietly, then he brought out one his phones and used it to dial
another one in his pocket which was on silent.
Akpors (on the phone):
Ehen, is it time?
Yes na, the bomb is still with me not yet
exploded.
…In 2 minutes?
Of course, no problem, I will detonate it
on time. I‘m proud to be suicide bomber, and there
are many people where I am, so the impact
will be even better.
Yes o. Government will have no choice but to listen to our cause. Before
Akpors even dropped phone, the restaurant had cleared.
As he walked out of the restaurant, nobody was in the lobby.
Even the street was empty!
Thursday 29 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors in Bad Market Love
Akpors always secretly loved Ekaitte, but he never had the guts to tell her.
One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms saying, 'I love you so much, I wanna date u. Please reply and tell me how u feel.'
A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone.
He was so really scared and tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the message till the morning.
When he woke up next day he said his prayers,did his morning chores,brushed his teeth,ate his breakfast,took his bath,combed his hair and then climbed back to his bed.
He gently picked up his phone to read the message saying;
"Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to complete your request, kindly recharge your account and try again!!!".
One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms saying, 'I love you so much, I wanna date u. Please reply and tell me how u feel.'
A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone.
He was so really scared and tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the message till the morning.
When he woke up next day he said his prayers,did his morning chores,brushed his teeth,ate his breakfast,took his bath,combed his hair and then climbed back to his bed.
He gently picked up his phone to read the message saying;
"Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to complete your request, kindly recharge your account and try again!!!".
Wednesday 28 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Joins Nigerian Army
Akpors joined the Nigerian Army,
After the hard training he
received, Akpors successfully
passed, At the passing out
ceremony the commandant
assigned the postings.
Commandant: Sake kuka!
Saka: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to Lagos.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank you sir!
Commandant: Muniru Sulai man!
Muniru: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to warri
Muniru: Yes sir, thank you sir!
Commandant: Akpors Ojong
Itikoloko Apororo!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commandant: Posted to
Maiduguri
Akpors: Retired Sir
After the hard training he
received, Akpors successfully
passed, At the passing out
ceremony the commandant
assigned the postings.
Commandant: Sake kuka!
Saka: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to Lagos.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank you sir!
Commandant: Muniru Sulai man!
Muniru: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to warri
Muniru: Yes sir, thank you sir!
Commandant: Akpors Ojong
Itikoloko Apororo!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commandant: Posted to
Maiduguri
Akpors: Retired Sir
Tuesday 27 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and BIG Ram Laptop
Boss: Take this #150,000, go to
computer village and buy me a quality
laptop with a big RAM
Akpors: Okay sir!
Akpors didn’t return after two days,
so his boss decided to reach him on
phone.
Boss: Hello, Akpors, what kept you
long?
Akpors: The RAM
Boss: The RAM? How do you mean?
Where are you now?
Akpors: I’m on my way back from
Kano sir.
Boss: Kano? Akpors!
Akpors: Yes Kano. I bought the Laptop
at Ikeja but I traveled to Kano to buy
the big RAM.
Boss: Oh my God!
Akpors(got angry): Oh my wetin? Oga,
no tear eye for me o. I be small
pickin?
No be Laptop and big ram you
send me...
WHO IS AT FAULT?
computer village and buy me a quality
laptop with a big RAM
Akpors: Okay sir!
Akpors didn’t return after two days,
so his boss decided to reach him on
phone.
Boss: Hello, Akpors, what kept you
long?
Akpors: The RAM
Boss: The RAM? How do you mean?
Where are you now?
Akpors: I’m on my way back from
Kano sir.
Boss: Kano? Akpors!
Akpors: Yes Kano. I bought the Laptop
at Ikeja but I traveled to Kano to buy
the big RAM.
Boss: Oh my God!
Akpors(got angry): Oh my wetin? Oga,
no tear eye for me o. I be small
pickin?
No be Laptop and big ram you
send me...
WHO IS AT FAULT?
Monday 26 May 2014
FUNNY: All You Need To Know About Akpors
NAME:- AKPORS
HOBBIES:-
Collecting teeth from live
lions,
catching bullets bare hands, jogging up
and
down mountain everest.
MY RECORD:-
>Fought with a dinosaur and
broke
its neck, skinned a crocodile alive, held my
breathe under water for 2months, 3weeks,
6hours, 5mins,45
>Traveled round the world in a day... Etc
GREATEST ACHIEVMENTS:-
Went to heaven to charge my phone, fluent in 10,598
languages, 1st person to land on the sun.
SILLIEST THING I'VE DONE:-
Ate a bowl of plastic
fruit on thanksgiving day.
EMBARRASSING MOMENT:-
Couldn't kill 100 bears
with a single punch though 99 died
instantly
and the last one is now an imbecile.
PROUDEST MOMENTS;-
Firstly, when a cobra
died after biting me and secondly, when i
roasted a dragon at my backyard with a
lighter.
SOMETHING ABOUT ME:- I really don't like showing off.
FUNNY PICTURE: That Moment, You Drive 2hours to a Wedding and they tell you Jollof has finished...
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Akpors a rich man was said to have drove to a Party for 2hours and was told his favourite menu has finished.
What he did...? He ordered them to give him Water, He drank and left with the gift he came with.
If na you, wetin you go do?
Sunday 25 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: ARMED MEN IN AKPORS CHURCH
Armed Men entered a church while the service was going on.
They asked the ushers to close every door and windows so that nobody can escape.
They counted the number of worshipers and they were 150.
They told them they would kill 100 out of these 150 members but in an alphabetical order oƒ names starting with the pastors.
>They approached the senior pastor asking: whats your name?
pastor said Zechariah Zwingina.
the next pastor said Zebede Zacheus,
the third pastor said Zemmanuel Zwiliams.
They approached the elders.
The first one said Zarepath Zolomon.
The next one said Zalade Zomorin.
The next one said Zetunji Zolusegun While the female said Zesther Zoluwatimilehin
They approached the choir and the first chorister (Abraham Ahmadu) out of fear pointed to the organist and said his name is Akpors Akpororo.
Akpors screamed; he is a liar.
My name is Zakpors Zakpororo.
If you were in the congregation, what will be your name?
They asked the ushers to close every door and windows so that nobody can escape.
They counted the number of worshipers and they were 150.
They told them they would kill 100 out of these 150 members but in an alphabetical order oƒ names starting with the pastors.
>They approached the senior pastor asking: whats your name?
pastor said Zechariah Zwingina.
the next pastor said Zebede Zacheus,
the third pastor said Zemmanuel Zwiliams.
They approached the elders.
The first one said Zarepath Zolomon.
The next one said Zalade Zomorin.
The next one said Zetunji Zolusegun While the female said Zesther Zoluwatimilehin
They approached the choir and the first chorister (Abraham Ahmadu) out of fear pointed to the organist and said his name is Akpors Akpororo.
Akpors screamed; he is a liar.
My name is Zakpors Zakpororo.
If you were in the congregation, what will be your name?
Saturday 24 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the Oyinbo Boy
An Oyinbo kid(white boy) came with
his dad to
warri as tourists, the oyinbo boy decided to show
off 2 akpors and his friends, so the following
argument went between them...
Oyibo Boi; I got Mc
Donald,
Akpors: i get Mr Biggs,
I got Mtv ,
we get Stv,
I got Mike TYson,
we get Bash Ali,
I got Elvis Presley
we get Fela Anikulapo kuti,
I got T. pain,
we get T.maya.
I get T.I,
we get M.I.
I got 2-pac,
we got 2-face.
I got Beyonce,
we get Genevieve.
I got Lil wayne,
We got Terry G.
I got Jay Z,
We get DON JAZZY!
I got wiz khalifa,
we get wiz kid.
I got Hollywood,
we get nollywood
I got Silicon valley,
we get Computer village.
I got Las Vegas,
we get Lasgidi.
I got Miami Beach,
we get Lekki Beach.
I got Al Paccino,
we get Peter Edochie.
I got Pirate of d Caribbean,
we get Pirate of Aba.
I got beauty and the beast
we get Bianca and Ojukwu,
I got Mr Bean,
we get Mr Ibu,
I got American Lotto,
we get Baba Ijebu.
We fear Al Qaeda,
we fear B*ko Haram
Abi Akpors dey lieeeeee?????
warri as tourists, the oyinbo boy decided to show
off 2 akpors and his friends, so the following
argument went between them...
Oyibo Boi; I got Mc
Donald,
Akpors: i get Mr Biggs,
I got Mtv ,
we get Stv,
I got Mike TYson,
we get Bash Ali,
I got Elvis Presley
we get Fela Anikulapo kuti,
I got T. pain,
we get T.maya.
I get T.I,
we get M.I.
I got 2-pac,
we got 2-face.
I got Beyonce,
we get Genevieve.
I got Lil wayne,
We got Terry G.
I got Jay Z,
We get DON JAZZY!
I got wiz khalifa,
we get wiz kid.
I got Hollywood,
we get nollywood
I got Silicon valley,
we get Computer village.
I got Las Vegas,
we get Lasgidi.
I got Miami Beach,
we get Lekki Beach.
I got Al Paccino,
we get Peter Edochie.
I got Pirate of d Caribbean,
we get Pirate of Aba.
I got beauty and the beast
we get Bianca and Ojukwu,
I got Mr Bean,
we get Mr Ibu,
I got American Lotto,
we get Baba Ijebu.
We fear Al Qaeda,
we fear B*ko Haram
Abi Akpors dey lieeeeee?????
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the Principal
A female teacher,was
having a
problem with Akpors in her
class of 3rd grade.
Akpors said 'M'am, I should
b in
4th grade, i'm smarter than
my sis
& she's in the 4th grade'.
The M'am {Teacher} had
heard
enough of his complains &
took
Akpors 2 the Principal's
office.
She explained everything 2
the
Principal who decided 2 test
Akpors with some questions
that a 4th grade should
know.
Principal: What's 3 + 3?
Akpors: 6
Principal: 6 + 6?
Akpors: 12
& so on..
The Principal asked the boy
many
questions & Akpors got
them right.
The Principal then asked
M'am 2
send Akpors 2 4th grade.
M'am decided 2 ask some
more
questions & the Principal
agreed.
M'am: What does a cow
have 4
of, that I've only 2 of?
Akpors: Legs
M'am: What's in ur pants
that u
have but I dont have?
Akpors: Pockets
M'am: What starts wit a C &
ends
with T, is hairy, oval,
delicious &
contains thin whitish liquid?
Akpors: Coconut
M'am: What goes in hard &
pink
then comes out soft &
sticky?
The principal's eyes open
really
wide,but b4 he could stop
the
answer, the boy was taking
charge.
Akpors: Bubble Gum
M'am: U stick ur poles inside
me. U
tie me down 2 get me up, I
get wet b4 u do. What am I?
Akpors: Tent
The principal was looking
restless
M'am: A finger goes in me. U
fiddle
with me when u're bored.
The best man always has
me 1st n what am I?
Akpors: Wedding Ring
M'am: I come in many sizes.
When
Ï'm not well, I drip. When u
blow
me,u feel good?
Akpors: Nose
M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My
tip
penetrates,I come with a
quiver
Akpors:Arrow
M'am: What starts wit 'F' &
ends
with a 'K' & if u dont get it,
u've 2
use ur hand?
Akpors:Fork
M'am: Whats it that all men
have,it's longer in some
men than
others,the Pope doesn't
use his & a man gives it 2
his wife after
marriage?
Akpors: Surname
M'am: What part of the man
has no bone, but has
muscles with a lot of veins
like pumpin & is responsible
4 making love?
Akpors: Heart
The principal breathed a
sigh of
relief & told the teacher:-
'Send
Akpors 2 University, I got
the last
10 questions wrong myself!
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors the Bus Driver
There was this day Akpors was driving his Oga's bus from Ozoro to Lagos. He had a sticker at the back of the bus which
said; HE WILL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER ME.
By the time he got to Warri, he was driving at a high speed of 135km/hr. The passengers cautioned him and he simply responded; Una no dey see the sign wey dey back of my bus, angels dey on guard.
He got to Benin on a very high speed of 185km/hr.
By this time the passengers got wary and decided to come down. They got down and he continued the journey to Lagos alone.
He said to himself; Faithless people, them no believe angels dey on guard, upon say them see the sticker there.
On getting to Ore, He was comfortably cruising at a very very high speed of 215km/hr when he heard people shouting inside the bus; Abeg Akpors, drop us o, we no dey go again.
Shocked, he looked around and said; Shebi i don drop all my passengers for Benin. Which people come dey talk?.
By the time he got to Warri, he was driving at a high speed of 135km/hr. The passengers cautioned him and he simply responded; Una no dey see the sign wey dey back of my bus, angels dey on guard.
He got to Benin on a very high speed of 185km/hr.
By this time the passengers got wary and decided to come down. They got down and he continued the journey to Lagos alone.
He said to himself; Faithless people, them no believe angels dey on guard, upon say them see the sticker there.
On getting to Ore, He was comfortably cruising at a very very high speed of 215km/hr when he heard people shouting inside the bus; Abeg Akpors, drop us o, we no dey go again.
Shocked, he looked around and said; Shebi i don drop all my passengers for Benin. Which people come dey talk?.
The people shouted; Akpors drop us o, na we
be the angels wey dey on guard, this one don become suicide mission, we no dey
go again o!.
(Akpors drove into Lagos slowly at a reasonable speed of 35km/hr).
(Akpors drove into Lagos slowly at a reasonable speed of 35km/hr).
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Testimony in Church
During testimony service in Church.
Akpors stood up and said:
Make una join me in thanking and praising Baba GOD for His blessings αnd upliftment in my life.
I tell you guys its good to have the fear of God and be honest.
Last weekend as I was going home I came across a small bag and I opened it and behold what I found inside; 20,000 pounds!!!...
Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when I emptied it and found some documents, ID cards, ATM cards and some phone numbers.
One mind told me to call the numbers and the other told me to throw the documents away and use the money.
I made up my mind and called the numbers and lucky enough the owner picked up the call.
When I told him about the bag he told me he was the owner and told me everything that was inside the bag.
We had an appointment and met, I handed his bag back to him and he gave me 2,000 pounds which I rejected and left.
Yesterday he called me and offered me a job worth 750k a month with Chevron, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished and air conditioned, and a 2012 Toyota Camry.
-
-
-
-
-
As I was smiling and testing the car I just woke up...
Anybody have a way for me to go back into that dream? Na beg I dey beg. I need to go back to that dream.
Akpors stood up and said:
Make una join me in thanking and praising Baba GOD for His blessings αnd upliftment in my life.
I tell you guys its good to have the fear of God and be honest.
Last weekend as I was going home I came across a small bag and I opened it and behold what I found inside; 20,000 pounds!!!...
Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when I emptied it and found some documents, ID cards, ATM cards and some phone numbers.
One mind told me to call the numbers and the other told me to throw the documents away and use the money.
I made up my mind and called the numbers and lucky enough the owner picked up the call.
When I told him about the bag he told me he was the owner and told me everything that was inside the bag.
We had an appointment and met, I handed his bag back to him and he gave me 2,000 pounds which I rejected and left.
Yesterday he called me and offered me a job worth 750k a month with Chevron, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished and air conditioned, and a 2012 Toyota Camry.
-
-
-
-
-
As I was smiling and testing the car I just woke up...
Anybody have a way for me to go back into that dream? Na beg I dey beg. I need to go back to that dream.
FUNNY VIDEO: Akpors in JOKER The Adventures of Akpors Episode 16
FUNNY VIDEO: Akpors in Mama Put The Adventures of Akpors Episode 12
FUNNY JOKE: HOW AKPORS SLEPT WITH THE HOT GOVERNORS DAUGHTER
Akpors was in class with the
Governor's daughter.
His male friends claims Akpors can't sleep with the hot governors daughter, but Akpors claimed he had slept with her a long time.
His friends were surprised and asked when and how?
Akpors replied; One day the girl sat beside me and fell asleep and immediately, I too fell asleep.
Abeg my people, haven't Akpors slept with her?
His male friends claims Akpors can't sleep with the hot governors daughter, but Akpors claimed he had slept with her a long time.
His friends were surprised and asked when and how?
Akpors replied; One day the girl sat beside me and fell asleep and immediately, I too fell asleep.
Abeg my people, haven't Akpors slept with her?
FUNNY JOKE: Barrister Akpors and the Old Man
HMM... OLD MEN AND THEIR OLD TRICKS
Barrister Akpors who's gone to the village for Xmas celebration went hunting in a nearby village.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As Barrister Akpors climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing.
He responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
Arrogant Akpors said,
"I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country, and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!"
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we do things here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."
Barrister Akpors asked,
"What is the three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied,
"Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
Barrister Akpors quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly walked up to him.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Akpor's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped Akpors' nose off his face.
Barrister Akpors was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
He eventually summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old farmer, now it's my turn."
The farmer smiled and said,
"Now, I give up. You can have the duck."
NOTE: No matter how well educated you are,
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!
Barrister Akpors who's gone to the village for Xmas celebration went hunting in a nearby village.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As Barrister Akpors climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing.
He responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
Arrogant Akpors said,
"I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country, and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!"
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we do things here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."
Barrister Akpors asked,
"What is the three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied,
"Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
Barrister Akpors quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly walked up to him.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Akpor's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped Akpors' nose off his face.
Barrister Akpors was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
He eventually summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old farmer, now it's my turn."
The farmer smiled and said,
"Now, I give up. You can have the duck."
NOTE: No matter how well educated you are,
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!
FUNNY JOKE: Things That Happens Only in Nigeria
Na only for Nigeria you fit win
Aeroplane by loading #200 MTN Recharge Card.
Very soon Etisalat go say recharge #200 and win a big ship.
Then Airtel go com follow sey, recharge #100 and win benin republic.
Glo, go just kuku say... Recharge 500 and win Nigeria bcos their colour na Green.
Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside"MEATPIE"
Na only for nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM machines.
Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey say: Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your light bill (what a pity)
Na only fo Naija people dey horn for traffic light make e quick change from Red to Green.
Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff puff and beer.
Wetin you no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere in the world...
Like and comment if you love Naija!
I LOVE NAIJA!
Very soon Etisalat go say recharge #200 and win a big ship.
Then Airtel go com follow sey, recharge #100 and win benin republic.
Glo, go just kuku say... Recharge 500 and win Nigeria bcos their colour na Green.
Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside"MEATPIE"
Na only for nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM machines.
Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey say: Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your light bill (what a pity)
Na only fo Naija people dey horn for traffic light make e quick change from Red to Green.
Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff puff and beer.
Wetin you no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere in the world...
Like and comment if you love Naija!
I LOVE NAIJA!
Friday 23 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors the Foolish Farmer and his Father
Akpors who is a farmer, caught a thief who had been stealing his yam and decided to drag him to the village square.
Half way to the square, the thief said to him, "Please, I have forgotten my slippers in the farm, can I go and get them?"
Akpors obliged, "Hurry up! I would be waiting for you here."
Akpors waited endlessly and realised he had been fooled. He went home and told his father what had happened.
His father brutally slapped him and said,
"You are extremely dumb! You should have told the thief to wait while you go get his slippers for him!"
Half way to the square, the thief said to him, "Please, I have forgotten my slippers in the farm, can I go and get them?"
Akpors obliged, "Hurry up! I would be waiting for you here."
Akpors waited endlessly and realised he had been fooled. He went home and told his father what had happened.
His father brutally slapped him and said,
"You are extremely dumb! You should have told the thief to wait while you go get his slippers for him!"
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Birthday Gift to GirlFriend
Akpors: Happy Birthday Sweetie
Girl: Thanks so much baby...So what's my birthday gift?
Akpors: (pointing) Can you see that red BMW parked over there?
Girl: Oh my God!....yes.... yes...yes...I can't believe this...
Akpors: I bought you a toothbrush of the same colour...
Girl: Na THUNDER go fire you!
Girl: Thanks so much baby...So what's my birthday gift?
Akpors: (pointing) Can you see that red BMW parked over there?
Girl: Oh my God!....yes.... yes...yes...I can't believe this...
Akpors: I bought you a toothbrush of the same colour...
Girl: Na THUNDER go fire you!
Thursday 22 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Marries Ekaitte
Akpors and Ekaitte got married.
Akpors was a "man about town"so to speak, but Ekaitte was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.
Akpors was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.
So, that night they retired to his little shack.
When Akpors was undressing Ekaitte said, "Oh Akpors, what is that?"
Akpors being very quick thinking said, "Eki baby, I am the only man In the world with one of these."And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Ekaitte was happy.
The next morning Akpors went off to work as usual.
When he returned home that evening, Ekaitte was on the front porch obviously upset about something. "Akpors, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Saka the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."
Thinking fast, Akpors said, "Oh, Eki baby, Eazy is my good friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."
Ekaitte, not being knowledgeable about these things, accepted his answer, and they did their thing again that night.
Akpors went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Ekaitte was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.
Akpors said, "Eki baby, what is the matter this time?"
She Replied "you gave Saka the better one!!!"
Akpors fainted
Akpors was a "man about town"so to speak, but Ekaitte was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.
Akpors was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.
So, that night they retired to his little shack.
When Akpors was undressing Ekaitte said, "Oh Akpors, what is that?"
Akpors being very quick thinking said, "Eki baby, I am the only man In the world with one of these."And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Ekaitte was happy.
The next morning Akpors went off to work as usual.
When he returned home that evening, Ekaitte was on the front porch obviously upset about something. "Akpors, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Saka the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."
Thinking fast, Akpors said, "Oh, Eki baby, Eazy is my good friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."
Ekaitte, not being knowledgeable about these things, accepted his answer, and they did their thing again that night.
Akpors went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Ekaitte was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.
Akpors said, "Eki baby, what is the matter this time?"
She Replied "you gave Saka the better one!!!"
Akpors fainted
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors The Bread Winner
Journalist: Mr. Akpors, first of all, is it true that you are the bread winner in your family.
Akpors : I am not hearing that allegation for the first time, I have been hearing it for some time, I know this allegation is coming from my political enemies who want to tarnish my image.
I want to tell you that I have never been in any competition to win bread.
Ask them where I won that bread. If anyone saw me entering a competition to win bread, then they must provide the evidence otherwise I will start suing anyone saying I am a bread winner, yes including you reporters and your newspapers...
Akpors : I am not hearing that allegation for the first time, I have been hearing it for some time, I know this allegation is coming from my political enemies who want to tarnish my image.
I want to tell you that I have never been in any competition to win bread.
Ask them where I won that bread. If anyone saw me entering a competition to win bread, then they must provide the evidence otherwise I will start suing anyone saying I am a bread winner, yes including you reporters and your newspapers...
Wednesday 21 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and Daughter Fiance
Daughter : Dad, my fiancé is an hausa man
Akpors : God forbid!, b*ko haram people!?...Noooooo!!!...
Daughter: he's Dangote's son....
Akpors: Ahhhhhh what are you still waiting for, c'mon get married already, afterall we are all Nigerians.
One Word For Akpors
Akpors : God forbid!, b*ko haram people!?...Noooooo!!!...
Daughter: he's Dangote's son....
Akpors: Ahhhhhh what are you still waiting for, c'mon get married already, afterall we are all Nigerians.
One Word For Akpors
Tuesday 20 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Daughter Impregnated
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she
has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the
drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who was the pig that did this to you? I
want to know!'The girl picks up the
phone
and make a call….
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of
their house; a mature and
distinguished man with gray hair and
impeccably dressed in a very expensive
suit steps out
of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the Akpors who is the father,
the mother and the girl and tells
them:
'Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the problem. However, I
can't marry her because of my
personal
family situation but I'll take charge. I will
pay all costs and provide for your
daughter
for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl
is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a
$1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and
a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a
factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point,
Akpors who is the father, who had remained silent, places
a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You'll sleep with her again!"
has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the
drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who was the pig that did this to you? I
want to know!'The girl picks up the
phone
and make a call….
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of
their house; a mature and
distinguished man with gray hair and
impeccably dressed in a very expensive
suit steps out
of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the Akpors who is the father,
the mother and the girl and tells
them:
'Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the problem. However, I
can't marry her because of my
personal
family situation but I'll take charge. I will
pay all costs and provide for your
daughter
for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl
is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a
$1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and
a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a
factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point,
Akpors who is the father, who had remained silent, places
a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You'll sleep with her again!"
Monday 19 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and Saka Writes Final Year Exam
Akpors and his best friend Saka sat in the exam room to write their final year exam. Saka had studied very well for the paper while Akpors had not.
This is what went on between them in the exam room.
INVIGILATOR: 10 mins to stop work.
AKPORS: Saka are you done with the theory?
SAKA: Yes. But I'm now doing the objectives.
AKPORS: Ok then. Pass your theory answer booklet to me to copy, I haven't done anything yet.
Saka: Is that so? Ok. Take it and copy, time is not on our side.
AKPORS: Thanks. Ten minutes later...
INVIGILATOR: Get ready to stop work...
SAKA: Hey Akpors give me my paper.
AKPORS: I can't give you your paper anymore. I couldn't copy the answers. It was too many, so I decided to cancel your name and write my name.
SAKA: What!!!???
INVIGILATOR: STOP WORK!!!
What should Saka do?
This is what went on between them in the exam room.
INVIGILATOR: 10 mins to stop work.
AKPORS: Saka are you done with the theory?
SAKA: Yes. But I'm now doing the objectives.
AKPORS: Ok then. Pass your theory answer booklet to me to copy, I haven't done anything yet.
Saka: Is that so? Ok. Take it and copy, time is not on our side.
AKPORS: Thanks. Ten minutes later...
INVIGILATOR: Get ready to stop work...
SAKA: Hey Akpors give me my paper.
AKPORS: I can't give you your paper anymore. I couldn't copy the answers. It was too many, so I decided to cancel your name and write my name.
SAKA: What!!!???
INVIGILATOR: STOP WORK!!!
What should Saka do?
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors meets Dad
Mother: "Akpors I'm sorry I slept with someone that is not your dad 33 years ago.
And that person is your real father."
Akpors: "Mum, what rubbish! How could you! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged!"
Mother: "I am sorry baby, he was my first love and i could not marry him... Because we are of different religion.
He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever."
Akpors: "No I am speaking to no one. Mr bello is the only father I know and that will never change!"
Mother: "Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him."
Akpors: "Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!"
Phone: "Morning Son, I am Aliko Dangote. I am your real father."
Akpors: "Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! I Love you so much Dad!!!!!
I always knew there was something special about me..
One Word for Akpors...
And that person is your real father."
Akpors: "Mum, what rubbish! How could you! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged!"
Mother: "I am sorry baby, he was my first love and i could not marry him... Because we are of different religion.
He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever."
Akpors: "No I am speaking to no one. Mr bello is the only father I know and that will never change!"
Mother: "Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him."
Akpors: "Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!"
Phone: "Morning Son, I am Aliko Dangote. I am your real father."
Akpors: "Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! I Love you so much Dad!!!!!
I always knew there was something special about me..
One Word for Akpors...
Sunday 18 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and Saka in Prison Break
Two mad men (Akpors and Saka) organized to run away from a mental hospital, they started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman and then escape.
When they reached the gate, they found out that the watchman wasn't there and the gate was wide opened.
They said;
"SHIT!!! Our plan has failed, let's go and come back tomorrow"
One Word for this guys...!!!
When they reached the gate, they found out that the watchman wasn't there and the gate was wide opened.
They said;
"SHIT!!! Our plan has failed, let's go and come back tomorrow"
One Word for this guys...!!!
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors The Moron Dater
Akpors
dropped a girl at home, he puts his hand on the wall by the gate for
support, lean towards her and says 'can I kiss you ?
Girl : No not today
Akpors: Please
Girl: No
This goes on for 10mins
Then the girl's brother appears at the gate and said:
Dad says whether you kiss him or not it's your decision , but tell that Moron to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone at home is listening to your conversation!!!
FEEL FREE TO SHARE...
Girl : No not today
Akpors: Please
Girl: No
This goes on for 10mins
Then the girl's brother appears at the gate and said:
Dad says whether you kiss him or not it's your decision , but tell that Moron to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone at home is listening to your conversation!!!
FEEL FREE TO SHARE...
Saturday 17 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: How Akpors and Wife Lived for 25 years Without A Single Conflict
Once upon a time, Akpors and Wife celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in the 25 years they had spent together.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well-known
"Happy Going Marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It is amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Akpors recalling his old honeymoon days said, "We went to Kano State for our honeymoon.
Having selected horse riding as the first activity, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Getting up from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said,
"This is your first time". "She climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. She again kept calm and said,
"This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!
"I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?'
She gave me a silent look, smiled and said: "This is your first time!".
...AND WE HAVE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well-known
"Happy Going Marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It is amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Akpors recalling his old honeymoon days said, "We went to Kano State for our honeymoon.
Having selected horse riding as the first activity, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Getting up from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said,
"This is your first time". "She climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. She again kept calm and said,
"This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!
"I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?'
She gave me a silent look, smiled and said: "This is your first time!".
...AND WE HAVE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Robs a Bank
Akpors and his gang went to rob
a city bank.
Everybody down! Akpors shouted.
Everyone laid flat on the ground.
Where is the bank manager? He
asked.
A young gentle man stood
up
and said; Here i am.
Open the safe and bring out all
the money.
Akpors requested.
The young man kindly replied;
Sir, this thing you are doing is
not good o. It is a crime against
society and humanity.
Shut up!... Akpors angrily retorted.
If not because it is a toy gun I'm
holding, I would have blown off
your brain.
Akpors is currently
receiving
treatment at the prison hospital.
How can you best describe him?
a city bank.
Everybody down! Akpors shouted.
Everyone laid flat on the ground.
Where is the bank manager? He
asked.
A young gentle man stood
up
and said; Here i am.
Open the safe and bring out all
the money.
Akpors requested.
The young man kindly replied;
Sir, this thing you are doing is
not good o. It is a crime against
society and humanity.
Shut up!... Akpors angrily retorted.
If not because it is a toy gun I'm
holding, I would have blown off
your brain.
Akpors is currently
receiving
treatment at the prison hospital.
How can you best describe him?
Thursday 15 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Definition of Craziness and Stupidity
CRAZINESS :- Is when you buy
BLACKBERRY PORSCHE of #
350,000 and landlord dey
pursue your mama cos of 12k
HOUSE RENT for village.
FAITH :- Is using the last
money on you to buy wallet.
(wetin u go put inside d
wallet)?
STUPIDITY :- Is having SIX BIG
CARS while living in a rented
apartment ( Eko for SHOW,
Lagos mumu ) .
WEALTH :- Is when you buy a
first class return ticket to UK
just to pick up a forgotten
wrist watch ( Money
speaking ).
WASTAGE :- Is buying a big
MANSION at Asokoro in
Abuja and only your Mai-
guard and House Maid dey
live there ( Political armed
robber ).
TROUBLE :- Is slapping a
soldier in front of a quater
guard in a barracks ( You
may not live well enough to
tell the story ).
IRONY :- Is having the
chairman of an Okada
Association driving a Range
Rover Sport ( He cannot come
and die na ).
FOOLISHNESS :- Is taking a #
5,000 cab to watch a film of
#1,000 at Eko Hotel...
( Abegiii! Why you no fit wait
for the pirated copy now ).
LOVE :- Is buying suya for
your girlfriend while you eat
only the onions with tears
rushing from your eye ( You
love her abi??? Hunger never
deal with you ).
DIRTINESS :- Is when
Cockroach, Rat, Ant, Spider
becomes your Roommates
and you say '' God created
them for a purpose '' ( Na lie!
Na money wey you go use buy trap, insecticide no dey ).
STINGINESS :- Is when you
finish reading this and you
didn't
BLACKBERRY PORSCHE of #
350,000 and landlord dey
pursue your mama cos of 12k
HOUSE RENT for village.
FAITH :- Is using the last
money on you to buy wallet.
(wetin u go put inside d
wallet)?
STUPIDITY :- Is having SIX BIG
CARS while living in a rented
apartment ( Eko for SHOW,
Lagos mumu ) .
WEALTH :- Is when you buy a
first class return ticket to UK
just to pick up a forgotten
wrist watch ( Money
speaking ).
WASTAGE :- Is buying a big
MANSION at Asokoro in
Abuja and only your Mai-
guard and House Maid dey
live there ( Political armed
robber ).
TROUBLE :- Is slapping a
soldier in front of a quater
guard in a barracks ( You
may not live well enough to
tell the story ).
IRONY :- Is having the
chairman of an Okada
Association driving a Range
Rover Sport ( He cannot come
and die na ).
FOOLISHNESS :- Is taking a #
5,000 cab to watch a film of
#1,000 at Eko Hotel...
( Abegiii! Why you no fit wait
for the pirated copy now ).
LOVE :- Is buying suya for
your girlfriend while you eat
only the onions with tears
rushing from your eye ( You
love her abi??? Hunger never
deal with you ).
DIRTINESS :- Is when
Cockroach, Rat, Ant, Spider
becomes your Roommates
and you say '' God created
them for a purpose '' ( Na lie!
Na money wey you go use buy trap, insecticide no dey ).
STINGINESS :- Is when you
finish reading this and you
didn't
Wednesday 14 May 2014
Akpors Wise Message To Son
* My son, if you keep
spending on a woman
and she never asked you
if you're saving or
investing, and she keeps
enjoying the attention,
don't marry her.
* My son, a woman
could be a good wife to
you, some could be a
good mother to your
children but if you've
found a woman like a
mother to you, your
children and your family,
please don't let her go.
* My son, don't confine
the position of your wife
to the kitchen, where did
you get that from? Even
in our days, we had
farm-lands where they
worked every
morning . . . that was
our office.
* My son, if I tell you
that you're the head of
the house, don't look at
your pocket; look if you
will see a smile on your
wife's face.
* My son, if you want to
have a long life, let your
wife be in-charge of your
salary, it will be difficult
for her to spend it when
she's aware of the home
needs and bills to pay
but if it's in your care,
she will keep you asking
even when all has been
spent.
* My son, don't ever
beat your woman, the
pain in her body is
nothing to be compared
to the wound on her
heart and that means
you may be in trouble
living with a wounded
woman.
* My son, now that
you're married, if you
live a bachelor kind of
life with your wife, you
will soon be single
again.
* My son, in our days,
we had many wives and
many children because
of our large farm-lands
and many harvests,
there are hardly any
land for farming
anymore, so embrace
your woman closely.
* My son, under the
cocoa tree that I did
meet your mother could
be your eateries and
restaurants of
nowadays, but
remember, the closet
thing we did there was
to embrace each other.
* My son, don't be
carried away when you
start making more
money, instead of
spending on those tiny
legs that never knew
how hard you worked to
get it, spend it on that
woman that stood by
you all along.
* My son, when I threw
little stones or whistled
at the window of your
mother father's house,
to call her out, it was
not for sex, it was
because I missed her so
much.
* My son, remember,
when you say your wife
has changed, there
could be something
you've stopped doing
too.
* My son, your mother,
Asake rode the bicycle
with me before I bought
that tortoise car outside
there, any woman that
won't endure with you in
your little beginning
should not enjoy your
riches.
* My son, don't compare
your wife to any woman,
there are ways she's
enduring you too and
has she ever compared
you to any man?
* My son, there is this
thing you people call
feminism, well, if a
woman claim to have
equal right with you in
the house, divide all the
bills into two equal
parts, take one part and
ask her to start paying
the other part.
* My son, I met your
mother a virgin and I
took more yams to her
father, if you don't meet
your wife a virgin, don't
blame her, what I didn't
tell you is that our
women had prestige.
* My son, I didn't send
your sisters to school
because I was foolish
like many to think a
female child won't
extend my family name,
please don't make that
mistake, the kind of
female achievers I see
nowadays has made the
male-gender an ordinary
tag.
* My son, your mother
have once locked up the
cloth I was wearing and
almost tore it because
she was angry, I did not
raise my hand to beat
her because of a day like
this, so that I can be
proud to tell you that I
never for once beat your
mother.
* My son, in our days,
our women had more of
natural beauty, though I
wouldn't lie to you,
some had minor
painting of their
appellation mostly on
their arms, the ones you
people now call tattoo,
but don't forget that
they didn't expose any
part of their body like
your women of
nowadays.
* My son, your mother
and I is not interested in
what happens in your
marriage, try to handle
issues without always
coming to us.
* My son, remember I
bought your mother's
first sewing machine for
her, help your wife
achieve her dreams just
as you're pursuing
yours.
* My son, don't stop
taking care of me and
your mother, it's a
secret of growing old
and having children to
take care of you too.
* My son, pray with your
family, there is a
tomorrow you don't
know, talk to God that
knows everything,
everyday.
* My son, if I had taken
my time to tell you all
these and your marriage
did not last like that of
your mother and I, then
you are a bastard.
spending on a woman
and she never asked you
if you're saving or
investing, and she keeps
enjoying the attention,
don't marry her.
* My son, a woman
could be a good wife to
you, some could be a
good mother to your
children but if you've
found a woman like a
mother to you, your
children and your family,
please don't let her go.
* My son, don't confine
the position of your wife
to the kitchen, where did
you get that from? Even
in our days, we had
farm-lands where they
worked every
morning . . . that was
our office.
* My son, if I tell you
that you're the head of
the house, don't look at
your pocket; look if you
will see a smile on your
wife's face.
* My son, if you want to
have a long life, let your
wife be in-charge of your
salary, it will be difficult
for her to spend it when
she's aware of the home
needs and bills to pay
but if it's in your care,
she will keep you asking
even when all has been
spent.
* My son, don't ever
beat your woman, the
pain in her body is
nothing to be compared
to the wound on her
heart and that means
you may be in trouble
living with a wounded
woman.
* My son, now that
you're married, if you
live a bachelor kind of
life with your wife, you
will soon be single
again.
* My son, in our days,
we had many wives and
many children because
of our large farm-lands
and many harvests,
there are hardly any
land for farming
anymore, so embrace
your woman closely.
* My son, under the
cocoa tree that I did
meet your mother could
be your eateries and
restaurants of
nowadays, but
remember, the closet
thing we did there was
to embrace each other.
* My son, don't be
carried away when you
start making more
money, instead of
spending on those tiny
legs that never knew
how hard you worked to
get it, spend it on that
woman that stood by
you all along.
* My son, when I threw
little stones or whistled
at the window of your
mother father's house,
to call her out, it was
not for sex, it was
because I missed her so
much.
* My son, remember,
when you say your wife
has changed, there
could be something
you've stopped doing
too.
* My son, your mother,
Asake rode the bicycle
with me before I bought
that tortoise car outside
there, any woman that
won't endure with you in
your little beginning
should not enjoy your
riches.
* My son, don't compare
your wife to any woman,
there are ways she's
enduring you too and
has she ever compared
you to any man?
* My son, there is this
thing you people call
feminism, well, if a
woman claim to have
equal right with you in
the house, divide all the
bills into two equal
parts, take one part and
ask her to start paying
the other part.
* My son, I met your
mother a virgin and I
took more yams to her
father, if you don't meet
your wife a virgin, don't
blame her, what I didn't
tell you is that our
women had prestige.
* My son, I didn't send
your sisters to school
because I was foolish
like many to think a
female child won't
extend my family name,
please don't make that
mistake, the kind of
female achievers I see
nowadays has made the
male-gender an ordinary
tag.
* My son, your mother
have once locked up the
cloth I was wearing and
almost tore it because
she was angry, I did not
raise my hand to beat
her because of a day like
this, so that I can be
proud to tell you that I
never for once beat your
mother.
* My son, in our days,
our women had more of
natural beauty, though I
wouldn't lie to you,
some had minor
painting of their
appellation mostly on
their arms, the ones you
people now call tattoo,
but don't forget that
they didn't expose any
part of their body like
your women of
nowadays.
* My son, your mother
and I is not interested in
what happens in your
marriage, try to handle
issues without always
coming to us.
* My son, remember I
bought your mother's
first sewing machine for
her, help your wife
achieve her dreams just
as you're pursuing
yours.
* My son, don't stop
taking care of me and
your mother, it's a
secret of growing old
and having children to
take care of you too.
* My son, pray with your
family, there is a
tomorrow you don't
know, talk to God that
knows everything,
everyday.
* My son, if I had taken
my time to tell you all
these and your marriage
did not last like that of
your mother and I, then
you are a bastard.
FUNNY JOKE: Here Are The 6 Types of Slap You Should Know
Girls in my area are fond of
dashing out slaps.
We have the Take-away slap,
Resounding slap, Formatting slap,
Explanation slap, Fix deposit slap,
and the Rhetorical slap.
The 'primus interpares' among
these slaps are the Take-away slap
and the Resounding slap.
1. Take Away Slap: when a gal
gives u this kinda slap and all u can
do is hold your face n walk away.
That is the take-away slap.
2. Resounding Slap: Thats when
after you're hit, you keep hearing
some FUNNY sounds in your brain.
3. Formatting Slap: That's the slap
that makes you forget what you were
doing. U find urself asking
questions like 'what did i do?', 'what
was this for?'
4. Explanation Slap: when a girl
gives u that, u find urself
explaining the situation to the
nearest person out of ur own
accord.
Example; 'bros, shey u
been dey watch? I no do anything
and now...'. Dah kain talk na im
be d thing.
5. Fixed deposit Slap:- when you
receive that, all you will do is just
stand right where you're and watch
the gal walk away.
6. Rhetorical Slap: The moment u
download that slap, u start asking
questions that doesn't need reply;
Example:
'Dami, u slapped me?',
'Aminat, what did you just do?'
Share as you Laugh!!!
dashing out slaps.
We have the Take-away slap,
Resounding slap, Formatting slap,
Explanation slap, Fix deposit slap,
and the Rhetorical slap.
The 'primus interpares' among
these slaps are the Take-away slap
and the Resounding slap.
1. Take Away Slap: when a gal
gives u this kinda slap and all u can
do is hold your face n walk away.
That is the take-away slap.
2. Resounding Slap: Thats when
after you're hit, you keep hearing
some FUNNY sounds in your brain.
3. Formatting Slap: That's the slap
that makes you forget what you were
doing. U find urself asking
questions like 'what did i do?', 'what
was this for?'
4. Explanation Slap: when a girl
gives u that, u find urself
explaining the situation to the
nearest person out of ur own
accord.
Example; 'bros, shey u
been dey watch? I no do anything
and now...'. Dah kain talk na im
be d thing.
5. Fixed deposit Slap:- when you
receive that, all you will do is just
stand right where you're and watch
the gal walk away.
6. Rhetorical Slap: The moment u
download that slap, u start asking
questions that doesn't need reply;
Example:
'Dami, u slapped me?',
'Aminat, what did you just do?'
Share as you Laugh!!!
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors at the Sport Centre
Akpors was watching football at sport
centre.
Chelsea vs Man U...
One guy just enter seat next to him.
D guy: Bros how far, na match
them dey play?
Akpors: Yes na sheybi na im u dey
watch.
D guy: Ok. Abeg who dey play?
Akpors: na im be dat na. Chelsea vs
man u.
D guy: oh ok. Abeg who wear
blue?
Akpors: Na chelsea wear blue.
D guy: owk who com wear red?
Akpors: oooh c am na na man u.
D guy: owk no vex. Ehm bros na
1st half abi second half?
Akpors: chai guy na wa 4 u o. Na 1st
half na c am na
20minutes bros.
D guy: oh ok. Bros abeg weitin be
scores?
Akpors: come guy. Na 0-0 na.
Sheybi na im we dy watch.
D guy: oh oh oh ok 0-0. .
Abeg who cum get zero?
If You were Akpors, What will you do?
centre.
Chelsea vs Man U...
One guy just enter seat next to him.
D guy: Bros how far, na match
them dey play?
Akpors: Yes na sheybi na im u dey
watch.
D guy: Ok. Abeg who dey play?
Akpors: na im be dat na. Chelsea vs
man u.
D guy: oh ok. Abeg who wear
blue?
Akpors: Na chelsea wear blue.
D guy: owk who com wear red?
Akpors: oooh c am na na man u.
D guy: owk no vex. Ehm bros na
1st half abi second half?
Akpors: chai guy na wa 4 u o. Na 1st
half na c am na
20minutes bros.
D guy: oh ok. Bros abeg weitin be
scores?
Akpors: come guy. Na 0-0 na.
Sheybi na im we dy watch.
D guy: oh oh oh ok 0-0. .
Abeg who cum get zero?
If You were Akpors, What will you do?
Tuesday 13 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors in a Visa Interview
A Nigerian young man Akpors went to American
Embassy for a student visa, and the
process of his interview with the white lady went this
way;
AKPORS: Good afternoon ma!
WHITE LADY: Welcome!. And how are you?
AKPORS: I am fine thank you ma!.
WHITE LADY: What are you going to the USA for?
AKPORS: To study ma!
WHITE LADY: Which city, school and course do you
wish to study?
AKPORS: Carlifornia, Harvard University, Economics
and Statistics.
WHITE LADY: But there are many Universities in
Nigeria that offer this course and you
still want to travel as far as USA to study the same
course why? I doubt your genuine
intention and therefore can't give you the entry visa
that
you have applied for.
AKPORS: (With anger shouted) Please give me back my
passport let me get out of this place, what do you
think that is in USA that is not in Nigeria, what do you
think that I will see in USA that we don't have in
Nigeria here, do you think that USA is in any way
better than this country
and if you think USA is better than Nigeria, then why
have you chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your
country America?
WHITE LADY: (With serious anger and love for her
dear country stood up and said to him) Look am
gonna
give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to
America and see what is in USA the different between
America and Nigeria. (Out
of anger, she stamped the visa for Akpors).
Akpors then left smiling.
One word for Akpors.
Embassy for a student visa, and the
process of his interview with the white lady went this
way;
AKPORS: Good afternoon ma!
WHITE LADY: Welcome!. And how are you?
AKPORS: I am fine thank you ma!.
WHITE LADY: What are you going to the USA for?
AKPORS: To study ma!
WHITE LADY: Which city, school and course do you
wish to study?
AKPORS: Carlifornia, Harvard University, Economics
and Statistics.
WHITE LADY: But there are many Universities in
Nigeria that offer this course and you
still want to travel as far as USA to study the same
course why? I doubt your genuine
intention and therefore can't give you the entry visa
that
you have applied for.
AKPORS: (With anger shouted) Please give me back my
passport let me get out of this place, what do you
think that is in USA that is not in Nigeria, what do you
think that I will see in USA that we don't have in
Nigeria here, do you think that USA is in any way
better than this country
and if you think USA is better than Nigeria, then why
have you chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your
country America?
WHITE LADY: (With serious anger and love for her
dear country stood up and said to him) Look am
gonna
give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to
America and see what is in USA the different between
America and Nigeria. (Out
of anger, she stamped the visa for Akpors).
Akpors then left smiling.
One word for Akpors.
Monday 12 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and Nana on Nigeria Secured State
Akpors: Hello Nana, I understand you wanna relocate to Nigeria after your studies in Ghana?
Nana: Yes. I like Nigeria. I like the people. You love fun. You have energy. I like to be among people like that.
Akpors: Good. So which part of Nigeria do you want to come to?
Nana: That's why I contacted you. I need your counsel. Where do you advise I should go to?
Akpors: Well, I'd say you should not come to Kano, Boko Haram is a clear and present danger there.
Do not go to Port Harcourt, you might get kidnapped there.
Lagos is tough d hurly burly may not sit well with you plus the danger of Armed robbery.
In Kaduna, the Sharia policy may curtail your social life.
Don't go to Abuja as well. U might just get blasted by a Bomb at the Motor station.
Nana: Haaa....Where do I now go to?
Akpors: Well, come to Ibadan. It is the largest City in sub-Sahara Africa. It is peaceful and quiet. You could live long here - Their King is 100 years old. You will be free from most of the hassles of other cities.
Nana: Ibadan?
Akpors: Yes, Ibadan.
Nana: But what of Soka?
Akpors: Urrmm (EndofDiscussion) That's just an accident...
Nana: Yes. I like Nigeria. I like the people. You love fun. You have energy. I like to be among people like that.
Akpors: Good. So which part of Nigeria do you want to come to?
Nana: That's why I contacted you. I need your counsel. Where do you advise I should go to?
Akpors: Well, I'd say you should not come to Kano, Boko Haram is a clear and present danger there.
Do not go to Port Harcourt, you might get kidnapped there.
Lagos is tough d hurly burly may not sit well with you plus the danger of Armed robbery.
In Kaduna, the Sharia policy may curtail your social life.
Don't go to Abuja as well. U might just get blasted by a Bomb at the Motor station.
Nana: Haaa....Where do I now go to?
Akpors: Well, come to Ibadan. It is the largest City in sub-Sahara Africa. It is peaceful and quiet. You could live long here - Their King is 100 years old. You will be free from most of the hassles of other cities.
Nana: Ibadan?
Akpors: Yes, Ibadan.
Nana: But what of Soka?
Akpors: Urrmm (EndofDiscussion) That's just an accident...
Saturday 10 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Wife Gets More Than She Asked For
Akpors Wife: My Husband is not interested in sex
DOCTOR: Okay, Give these pills to him. Everyday, put one pill in his tea.
She did and they had sex which she really enjoyed.
Next day she thought to herself "It can only get better" and puts two pills in Akpors tea and they enjoyed more sex.
On the third day, she emptied the whole bottle in Akpors tea. Two days later doctor called to know the progress.
Their son answered, "Mommy is in coma at the moment, Aunty is in hospital, the maid is suing dad for rape and daddy is still running naked in the garden, shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!! Even the dogs are running for their lives."
DOCTOR: Okay, Give these pills to him. Everyday, put one pill in his tea.
She did and they had sex which she really enjoyed.
Next day she thought to herself "It can only get better" and puts two pills in Akpors tea and they enjoyed more sex.
On the third day, she emptied the whole bottle in Akpors tea. Two days later doctor called to know the progress.
Their son answered, "Mommy is in coma at the moment, Aunty is in hospital, the maid is suing dad for rape and daddy is still running naked in the garden, shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!! Even the dogs are running for their lives."
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors on a Job Interview
INTERVIEWER: Tell me the opposite of
Good.
AKPORS: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
AKPORS: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly GUY.
Akpos: Fine guy.
INTERVIEWER: You are wrong!
AKPORS: U're right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
AKPORS: Keep talking!
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
AKPORS: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
AKPORS: Come in!
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
AKPORS: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: You are Rejected.
AKPORS: I'm selected...
AKPORS: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
AKPORS: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly GUY.
Akpos: Fine guy.
INTERVIEWER: You are wrong!
AKPORS: U're right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
AKPORS: Keep talking!
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
AKPORS: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
AKPORS: Come in!
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
AKPORS: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: You are Rejected.
AKPORS: I'm selected...
Friday 9 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors back from School 2
Akpors was coming back from
school singing out loud
and dancing like nobody
stuck shop, his Dad was
wondering why Akpors was so
happy.. and decided to ask
him..
Dad : my son I have never
seen you in this mood
for while, Any good news to share..?
AKPORS : mum and dad next year
you wouldn't be
buying any textbook, notebook or
any study material
Dad : that's my boy…why? did
you win scholarship?
AKPORS : No..! I’m repeating the
same class again
What would you do to him if Akpors was your son?
school singing out loud
and dancing like nobody
stuck shop, his Dad was
wondering why Akpors was so
happy.. and decided to ask
him..
Dad : my son I have never
seen you in this mood
for while, Any good news to share..?
AKPORS : mum and dad next year
you wouldn't be
buying any textbook, notebook or
any study material
Dad : that's my boy…why? did
you win scholarship?
AKPORS : No..! I’m repeating the
same class again
What would you do to him if Akpors was your son?
FUNNY JOKE: If Not For Music, See What These Guys Would Have Been... A Must Read Joke
IF
NOT FOR MUSIC, Timaya will be hawking plantain in traffic...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Mode9 will be a bouncer in parties...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Wizkid will still be in SS3...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Iyanya will be a weight lifter...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, don Jazzy will be a drug dealer...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, ice prince and MI will still be in Jos...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, P-square will be dancing break dance in weddings..
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Davido will still be writing Waec...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Olamide will be picking pocket...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Muna will remain in modeling...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Lagbaja will be a native doctor...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Tiwa savage will be a stripper
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Ty Bello will be a photographer...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, wande coal will be advertising Dudu Osun Seriously
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, terry G will b a bus conductor...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC...duncan mighty will still be sellin IGBO...(Marijun a)
IF NOT FOR MUSIC.........rick Ross wuld hav been a Fat NBE....
IF NOT FOR MUSIC...banky w head will be carrying last in jss2
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Mode9 will be a bouncer in parties...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Wizkid will still be in SS3...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Iyanya will be a weight lifter...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, don Jazzy will be a drug dealer...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, ice prince and MI will still be in Jos...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, P-square will be dancing break dance in weddings..
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Davido will still be writing Waec...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Olamide will be picking pocket...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Muna will remain in modeling...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Lagbaja will be a native doctor...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Tiwa savage will be a stripper
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, Ty Bello will be a photographer...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, wande coal will be advertising Dudu Osun Seriously
IF NOT FOR MUSIC, terry G will b a bus conductor...
IF NOT FOR MUSIC...duncan mighty will still be sellin IGBO...(Marijun a)
IF NOT FOR MUSIC.........rick Ross wuld hav been a Fat NBE....
IF NOT FOR MUSIC...banky w head will be carrying last in jss2
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Buys a New Car
Akpors buys a new Automatic BMW X6
sport.
He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all.
He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.
He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they sent out a technician to him.
The technician asks,
“Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”
Full of anger Akpors replies,
“You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I'm not stupid! I use D for the Day and N for the Night.”
He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all.
He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.
He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they sent out a technician to him.
The technician asks,
“Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”
Full of anger Akpors replies,
“You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I'm not stupid! I use D for the Day and N for the Night.”
One Word for Akpors...
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Back From School
Akpors is right back from school,
tired and hungry
Mother: Akpors you are back?
Akpors: Yes mum..
Mother: What were you taught in school today?
Akpors: It's Agriculture
Mother: Which topic?
Akpors: Desert.!
Mother: What is desert?
Akpors: A desert is a place
where grass never grow
Mother: Good boy.. give example?
Akpors: Dad's Head.
Mother: Akpors you are back?
Akpors: Yes mum..
Mother: What were you taught in school today?
Akpors: It's Agriculture
Mother: Which topic?
Akpors: Desert.!
Mother: What is desert?
Akpors: A desert is a place
where grass never grow
Mother: Good boy.. give example?
Akpors: Dad's Head.
Thursday 8 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Ekaitte Dreams of Akpors
Ekaitte : (Low Voice)
Sweety, Last night I had a
dream about you.
Akpors: (excited) Oooh, Tell me Something Honey...
Ekaitte: I dreamt We were traveling in a bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life,
but you were still swimming and
searching for someone.
Akpors: (with luv): Oh, Definately, i was searching
for You..Right?"
Ekaitte: (Frown) NO, You were shouting, Driver! Driver!!,
Please, Give me My Change before You Die ooO, Abegiiiii
Sweety, Last night I had a
dream about you.
Akpors: (excited) Oooh, Tell me Something Honey...
Ekaitte: I dreamt We were traveling in a bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life,
but you were still swimming and
searching for someone.
Akpors: (with luv): Oh, Definately, i was searching
for You..Right?"
Ekaitte: (Frown) NO, You were shouting, Driver! Driver!!,
Please, Give me My Change before You Die ooO, Abegiiiii
FUNNY JOKE: WITCHES & WIZARD DEY FOLLOW YOU FROM YOUR VILLAGE; IF
WITCHES & WIZARD DEY FOLLOW YOU
FROM YOUR VILLAGE; IF:
•after entering a bus, it gets to your turn to pay your fare and you can’t find your money.
•If you downloading 5GB of data and it Fails at 99%.
•If you buy a bold 6 for 90k today and the next day the price drops to 20k.
•You win 100millon, u put am 4 bank, next week d bank declare bankruptcy.
•your first day in a restaurant, after eating fish, the bone hang for your throat.
•If after working for 30 days, you got fired without salary.
•After selling your fathers property to go abroad, and you still got deported few weeks
later.
• if you take cheat into the exam hall, and cant understand your own handwriting.
• If after 6 abortions and d guy still ends up not marrying you.
• if you submit expo with
your answer sheet.
• when ur friend wey just
come back from America give u cheque & did not remember to
sign Before going back.
• If at age 38 , you still refer to Davido as your role model.
• if after you use a heavy perfume and your body odour is still stronger than RAID.
• If After You photoshop your Picture & you still Ugly Pass Taye Taiwo
• If u get expelled 24hrs 2 ur graduation.
• if ur leg dey show for passport photograph.
• If You Break-Up With Your Boyfriend/ girlfriend and he/she wins 100million naira
the next day!.
• if the person that you were
cursing out in traffic turns out to be the one interviewing you
for a job.
• If U lied to Armed robbers that u
don’t have a phone, then it rings, & ur ringtone is ‘Ebami K’igbe Ole, Ole Ole Ole!
• if you sell ur Kidney to buy a Range rover sport and they steal it d next day.
• If u carry textbook go exam hall and still dey copy from others.
• After reading this post and u did not laugh,comment or like it. You should know it's FROM THE VILLAGE.
•after entering a bus, it gets to your turn to pay your fare and you can’t find your money.
•If you downloading 5GB of data and it Fails at 99%.
•If you buy a bold 6 for 90k today and the next day the price drops to 20k.
•You win 100millon, u put am 4 bank, next week d bank declare bankruptcy.
•your first day in a restaurant, after eating fish, the bone hang for your throat.
•If after working for 30 days, you got fired without salary.
•After selling your fathers property to go abroad, and you still got deported few weeks
later.
• if you take cheat into the exam hall, and cant understand your own handwriting.
• If after 6 abortions and d guy still ends up not marrying you.
• if you submit expo with
your answer sheet.
• when ur friend wey just
come back from America give u cheque & did not remember to
sign Before going back.
• If at age 38 , you still refer to Davido as your role model.
• if after you use a heavy perfume and your body odour is still stronger than RAID.
• If After You photoshop your Picture & you still Ugly Pass Taye Taiwo
• If u get expelled 24hrs 2 ur graduation.
• if ur leg dey show for passport photograph.
• If You Break-Up With Your Boyfriend/ girlfriend and he/she wins 100million naira
the next day!.
• if the person that you were
cursing out in traffic turns out to be the one interviewing you
for a job.
• If U lied to Armed robbers that u
don’t have a phone, then it rings, & ur ringtone is ‘Ebami K’igbe Ole, Ole Ole Ole!
• if you sell ur Kidney to buy a Range rover sport and they steal it d next day.
• If u carry textbook go exam hall and still dey copy from others.
• After reading this post and u did not laugh,comment or like it. You should know it's FROM THE VILLAGE.
Wednesday 7 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Pastor Akpors and the Governor
Governor was in a church for
thanksgiving.
The topic of the sermon was "repentance".
After the sermon, Pastor Akpors asked the congregation 'if anybody wants to give his or her
life to God lift your hand let me pray for you......'
Nobody responded for about three times.
The Governor mounted the alter and made a statement.
"If you want to give your life to God please lift up your hands let Pastor pray for you because we want to have good citizens in this state".
A guy lifted up his hands reluctantly.
The governor asked his PA to give the guy 10 million Naira.
The governor repeated the same statement again, this time around everybody's hand was up...
The Governor turned to Pastor Akpors to pray for them, to his greatest surprise...
Pastor Akpors hand was also up.
thanksgiving.
The topic of the sermon was "repentance".
After the sermon, Pastor Akpors asked the congregation 'if anybody wants to give his or her
life to God lift your hand let me pray for you......'
Nobody responded for about three times.
The Governor mounted the alter and made a statement.
"If you want to give your life to God please lift up your hands let Pastor pray for you because we want to have good citizens in this state".
A guy lifted up his hands reluctantly.
The governor asked his PA to give the guy 10 million Naira.
The governor repeated the same statement again, this time around everybody's hand was up...
The Governor turned to Pastor Akpors to pray for them, to his greatest surprise...
Pastor Akpors hand was also up.
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the Congregation Preacher
A Preacher said:
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"
The preacher sat down.
Then Deacon Akpors stood up & said:
"For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing,
'We shall drink from that river".
The congregation screamed HALLELUJAH!!!
One word for Akpors.....
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"
The preacher sat down.
Then Deacon Akpors stood up & said:
"For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing,
'We shall drink from that river".
The congregation screamed HALLELUJAH!!!
One word for Akpors.....
Tuesday 6 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Went For HIV Test
Akpors went for HIV test in a hospital on Friday and was told to come back on Monday for the result.
When he got to church on Sunday, the pastor declared to the people that,
''Everything you are looking forward to this week shall be positive!''
Akpors jumped to his feet and shouted,
''I reject it in Jesus name! My own go be Negative ooooo!"
When he got to church on Sunday, the pastor declared to the people that,
''Everything you are looking forward to this week shall be positive!''
Akpors jumped to his feet and shouted,
''I reject it in Jesus name! My own go be Negative ooooo!"
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors WANTs TO MARRY
I am Akpors and am planning to marry LANTANA but LAMI is more beautiful. AISHA has a better character than Asiya but come to think of it I still love Halima but Nafisa loves me more and now Samira is also in love with me but she is too harsh and i don't like Hadiza's character but Bola is manageable only that she is a yoruba girl and her father will not allow her to marry me...
I remember Mariam and i had a promise to get married but Zainab says I must marry her and Funmi will never let me go even when Tina insist she loves me and Jenifer is still chasing me.
Meanwhile I don't really like Hauwa because she is too fat and Hindu, is too skinny.
Nana is too short and I can't marry Rukayya, because she is taller than dan
Kausar, and Titilope likes wearing trousers a lot which I don't like.
Who I go marry now?
Please advice me ooo!!!
I remember Mariam and i had a promise to get married but Zainab says I must marry her and Funmi will never let me go even when Tina insist she loves me and Jenifer is still chasing me.
Meanwhile I don't really like Hauwa because she is too fat and Hindu, is too skinny.
Nana is too short and I can't marry Rukayya, because she is taller than dan
Kausar, and Titilope likes wearing trousers a lot which I don't like.
Who I go marry now?
Please advice me ooo!!!
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors in English Class
English class:
Teacher: What is a Verb?
Akpors: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you saying?
Akpors: It is a complete sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Akpors: It is a question sir.
Teacher: Don't be stupid.
Akpors: It is an advice sir.
Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
Akpors: It is a command sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Akpors: It is an insult sir.
Teacher: Get out of my class.
Akpors: It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
Akpors: It is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have mercy on you.
Akpors: It is a prayer sir.
Teacher: You need to see a doctor.
Akpors: It is a suggestion sir.
Teacher: I rest my case.
Akpors: It is ur choice sir
One word for Akpors...
Teacher: What is a Verb?
Akpors: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you saying?
Akpors: It is a complete sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Akpors: It is a question sir.
Teacher: Don't be stupid.
Akpors: It is an advice sir.
Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
Akpors: It is a command sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Akpors: It is an insult sir.
Teacher: Get out of my class.
Akpors: It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
Akpors: It is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have mercy on you.
Akpors: It is a prayer sir.
Teacher: You need to see a doctor.
Akpors: It is a suggestion sir.
Teacher: I rest my case.
Akpors: It is ur choice sir
One word for Akpors...
Monday 5 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors In Sugar Free
Akpors enters Supermarket to buy himself orange juice and sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and walked out with the sugar under his arm, unpaid.
At the door he was arrested and locked up.
During the court hearing, the judge asked him why he paid for the juice only and stole the sugar?
He replied
"I do not steal. At the back of the juice bottle is said: SUGAR FREE! You think am stupid or what?
One Word For Akpors...
He paid for the orange juice and walked out with the sugar under his arm, unpaid.
At the door he was arrested and locked up.
During the court hearing, the judge asked him why he paid for the juice only and stole the sugar?
He replied
"I do not steal. At the back of the juice bottle is said: SUGAR FREE! You think am stupid or what?
One Word For Akpors...
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors The Prohibited Area Guard
A woman was caught fishing at a dam in a prohibited area.
Akpors the guard said "You are under
arrest for fishing in a prohibited area."
The woman said,
"NO I AM NOT FISHING I AM JUST RESTING."
Akpors said;
"BUT YOU HAVE THE FISHING EQUIPMENT."
The woman said; IF YOU TOUCH ME I WILL REPORT THAT YOU HAVE RAPED ME.
Akpors replied;
"BUT YOU KNOW I HAVE NOT DONE THAT."
The woman replied:
"BUT YOU HAVE THE RAPING EQUIPMENT."
FEEL FREE to SHARE...
Akpors the guard said "You are under
arrest for fishing in a prohibited area."
The woman said,
"NO I AM NOT FISHING I AM JUST RESTING."
Akpors said;
"BUT YOU HAVE THE FISHING EQUIPMENT."
The woman said; IF YOU TOUCH ME I WILL REPORT THAT YOU HAVE RAPED ME.
Akpors replied;
"BUT YOU KNOW I HAVE NOT DONE THAT."
The woman replied:
"BUT YOU HAVE THE RAPING EQUIPMENT."
FEEL FREE to SHARE...
Sunday 4 May 2014
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the Okada Man
Akpors stayed very close to the cemetery.
He developed this wittiness of deceiving Okada (bike) riders and taxi drivers.
He would simply alight at the cemetery junction, fill his nostrils with cotton wool and speak nasally.
This scared every driver and rider and wouldn't wait to ask him for money but run for dear life.
Akpors did this for years and successfully outwitted every driver thinking he was a ghost.
One cool evening, Akpors boarded this Okada and as usual alighted at the cemetery junction.
"MONEY!" the angry looking Okada man asked.
Akpors was at his best, he stuffed cotton wool into his nostrils and spoke nasally,
"I don't have money!"
The Okada man wouldn't take any of that, and kept insisting.
This frustrated Akpors, who later said, "OK, OK. Follow me into the cemetery to my room and I will pay you."
The Okada man agreed and followed him till they got to one grave.
Akpors in his attempts to frighten the Okada man knocked on the grave and screamed,
"Uche! ,Uche!, Uche!, abeg give me N800 make I pay this stubborn Okada man!"
All of a sudden, a very big hand, holding N1000, appeared through the grave accompanied with a voice saying,
"Take, this one na ma last card."
Two pair of shoes (both right leg) belonging to Akpors and the Okada man were found on the scene as at the time gathering this report.
He developed this wittiness of deceiving Okada (bike) riders and taxi drivers.
He would simply alight at the cemetery junction, fill his nostrils with cotton wool and speak nasally.
This scared every driver and rider and wouldn't wait to ask him for money but run for dear life.
Akpors did this for years and successfully outwitted every driver thinking he was a ghost.
One cool evening, Akpors boarded this Okada and as usual alighted at the cemetery junction.
"MONEY!" the angry looking Okada man asked.
Akpors was at his best, he stuffed cotton wool into his nostrils and spoke nasally,
"I don't have money!"
The Okada man wouldn't take any of that, and kept insisting.
This frustrated Akpors, who later said, "OK, OK. Follow me into the cemetery to my room and I will pay you."
The Okada man agreed and followed him till they got to one grave.
Akpors in his attempts to frighten the Okada man knocked on the grave and screamed,
"Uche! ,Uche!, Uche!, abeg give me N800 make I pay this stubborn Okada man!"
All of a sudden, a very big hand, holding N1000, appeared through the grave accompanied with a voice saying,
"Take, this one na ma last card."
Two pair of shoes (both right leg) belonging to Akpors and the Okada man were found on the scene as at the time gathering this report.
Saturday 3 May 2014
FUNNY PICTURE: Akpors in the Wedding Dance
| Marriage ceremony is cool, but one word for this Picture... |
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the Conductor
Akpors was in a bus, and the conductor asked him: Wey your
money?
Akpors replied: I be staff.
Condoctor queried: which kind staff you be?
-You be police? No!
-You be soldier? No!
-You be navy? No!
-You be air force? No?
So wetin you be now! Abeg pay your money!
Akpors replied: i be Boko haram!
All the passengers shouted: WHAAT!!!
conductor you dey mad? Oga Boko sorry sir, abeg
no vex, we go pay for you sir.
Everybody screamed "DRIVER NEXT JUNCTION
dey ooooo"
Driver said e be like na here i go drop too!
Abi if you are the one will you continue with
your journey?
money?
Akpors replied: I be staff.
Condoctor queried: which kind staff you be?
-You be police? No!
-You be soldier? No!
-You be navy? No!
-You be air force? No?
So wetin you be now! Abeg pay your money!
Akpors replied: i be Boko haram!
All the passengers shouted: WHAAT!!!
conductor you dey mad? Oga Boko sorry sir, abeg
no vex, we go pay for you sir.
Everybody screamed "DRIVER NEXT JUNCTION
dey ooooo"
Driver said e be like na here i go drop too!
Abi if you are the one will you continue with
your journey?
Friday 2 May 2014
FUNNY VIDEO: Akpors Comedy Hilarious Gun Shot Prank
This is an hilarious gun shot prank video, watch and laugh...
Thursday 1 May 2014
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FUNNY JOKE: Akpors and the ATM Machine
Akpors wanted to use his ATM card
but the machine kept on rejecting the card.
Frustrated Akpors called his bank
help line.
Akpors: (Angry) What's wrong
with my ATM card, the machine keeps rejecting it!
Help Line: I'm sorry sir, can I cross
check your account please?
Akpors: Please be fast joor, my
clients from London are waiting.
Help Line: Sir, I have checked your
account, everything is alright here and you should be able to use your card.
Are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?
Akpors: Are you insane? What are
you
insinuating? No one takes good care
of
their ATM card like I do.
Help Line: Okay sir, are you also
sure the
surface isn't wet or stained with
dirt?
Akpors: Are you mad? An ATM card
that I pet
like an egg? As a matter of fact, I
even laminated it last week when I laminated my identity card.
One Word For Akpors...
but the machine kept on rejecting the card.
Frustrated Akpors called his bank
help line.
Akpors: (Angry) What's wrong
with my ATM card, the machine keeps rejecting it!
Help Line: I'm sorry sir, can I cross
check your account please?
Akpors: Please be fast joor, my
clients from London are waiting.
Help Line: Sir, I have checked your
account, everything is alright here and you should be able to use your card.
Are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?
Akpors: Are you insane? What are
you
insinuating? No one takes good care
of
their ATM card like I do.
Help Line: Okay sir, are you also
sure the
surface isn't wet or stained with
dirt?
Akpors: Are you mad? An ATM card
that I pet
like an egg? As a matter of fact, I
even laminated it last week when I laminated my identity card.
One Word For Akpors...
FUNNY JOKE: Akpors Gets Outsmarted
Akpors mistakenly sent two million naira to a wrong phone number via Mobile Money. He realized that before the person would withdraw the money, he had to think of what to do to get his money back.
He immediately sent this text to the number: "Hello Dark and Worthy Initiate, I hope you are okay, I believe you've received the money I sent you for the initiation ceremony into Eternal Mystical Order Of Glorious Satanism (EMOGS) in the Ogboni Fraternity scheduled to happen at midnight tomorrow.
That money is only for transport, I will send you more for pocket money and there are riches awaiting you. "Two weeks after the initiation, your closest family member will die mysteriously and this death will unlock your ticket to wealth, ability to fly at night and change into all kinds of animals to deliver your various assignments.
Remember to carry a syringe and needle meant to draw your blood every 20 minutes. Please don't be late because the Viceroy of Satan himself will be present to officiate the ceremony.
Thanks in advance. But just in case you are not ready to join, please send back the money otherwise you will die in the next 24 hours." Three minutes later, he got a message that says: "I will take my chances."
One word for Akpors
He immediately sent this text to the number: "Hello Dark and Worthy Initiate, I hope you are okay, I believe you've received the money I sent you for the initiation ceremony into Eternal Mystical Order Of Glorious Satanism (EMOGS) in the Ogboni Fraternity scheduled to happen at midnight tomorrow.
That money is only for transport, I will send you more for pocket money and there are riches awaiting you. "Two weeks after the initiation, your closest family member will die mysteriously and this death will unlock your ticket to wealth, ability to fly at night and change into all kinds of animals to deliver your various assignments.
Remember to carry a syringe and needle meant to draw your blood every 20 minutes. Please don't be late because the Viceroy of Satan himself will be present to officiate the ceremony.
Thanks in advance. But just in case you are not ready to join, please send back the money otherwise you will die in the next 24 hours." Three minutes later, he got a message that says: "I will take my chances."
One word for Akpors
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